The Charge of the Light Brigade

In Tenebris Terra*, aka The Llama Utopia aka The Land Of Llamas! (yes, exclamation mark included!), the inhabitants were fading away.

In Tenebris Terra*, aka The Llama Utopia aka The Land Of Llamas! (yes, exclamation mark included!), the inhabitants were fading away. They needed a special frequency of light that was only found on a planet called Svet*. And so, General Intellectu Estis*– the llama with an astounding 64 different ‘Dumbness’ awards (and he’s working hard on getting his 65th medal), set out to invade Svet and lead the proverbial “Charge of the Light Brigade’! 

Far away on planet Svet, Lux Fos* was sitting in his house, late at night. He was bored of the show of plonk-dancing crotchet. He shut down the T.V., but it turned on the moment he looked away. A llama appeared on the screen. “Testing… 1 2 3….. Can you hear me? Hello? Svetlings?” The llama said.  A small voice in the background – transmitted all the way from Tenevris Terra – said that yes, the humans could hear him. “Ahem, yes. Hello Svetlings! I am General Intellectu Estis- the llama! Also called the Dalai’te Llama! My human servant, with the same name, handles my Earth related matters while I plan a full-scale invasion of Svet and formulate a plan to take all of its light! Now die! Bahahaha!” At this point the Dalai’te Llama (pronounced like Dalai but ending with a -te sound, or like the-light) started laughing maniacally and running around, passing in and out of view with his hands in the air. The small voice in the background – transmitted all the way from Tenevris Terra – spoke again, “Hey, I think you should stay in view.” Dalai’te came into the centre of the screen. “Ahem, yes.” He promptly started waving his hands and laughing maniacally without leaving the centre of the screen.

Lux Fos sighed and picked up his baseball bat and flashlight and went out. There was an army of plonk-dancing crotchet waiting for him. He proceeded to whack the crotchets out of the way. They vanished with a pop and a tiny burst of light. “ I always knew that the light that these plonk-dancing crotchets emit when whacked would set us up for trouble. These ridiculous Llamas from Tenebris Terra need this LIGHT for survival! Guess I have to stop an invasion, yet again. The last one was just last Tuesday!” he murmured angrily to himself.

Lux Fos made his way to General Intellectu Estis – the llama, who was standing in front of a camera, cackling like a madman, well mad-llama. Lux whacked the camera, which fell and broke. “Hey! I was being aired on TV!” General Intellectu Estis – the llama, exclaimed. “Wait… is that a flashlight? Gimme gimme gimme! I need it! I need light!” 

At this point, the llama ran at Lux Fos trying to grab his flashlight, but Lux Fos sidestepped and hit him in the eyes. General Intellectu Estis- the llama, fell face first. “My eyes! Now I won’t be able watch Light – The Show on Light! By the way, this invasion is sponsored by Light –  The Show on Light!” said a VERY disoriented General Intellectu Estis – the llama.

“What?” Lux Fos looked at General Intellectu Estis incredulously. He pulled his camera out of his pocket but took out a toy gun instead. He looked at it, shrugged, pointed it at Dalai’te, and pulled the trigger. A beam of light shot out, and the recoil on it was so great that it pushed Lux Fos through a few parallel universes at 16 times the speed of light before finally ending up on a planet a few lightyears away, 9.6 billion to be precise; where he died of asphyxiation.


10,000 Years Later

“3, 2, 1, blow it up!” A team of scientists from Earth blew up a pile of rocks and unearthed, what seemed to be the skeleton of a kid who bore an eerie resemblance to our protagonist Lux Fos. He looked like he wasn’t impressed with what seemed like the remains of a toy gun in his right hand!

 “Beaming Houston, beaming Houston, there seems to be life on this planet! We must teleport our fellow Earthlings over immediately and make hay while the sun shines here!!

For the record, that is exactly how a mass genocide occurred an hour later when a few septillion excited tourists from Earth teleported onto an uninhabitable planet. Unfortunately, they had no clue of how Lux Fos had been shot through the universe like a cannon ball all the way from Svet by a gun recoil and died in oblivion on this far away planet! Sadly, they had no way to know how The Charge of the Light Brigade by General Intellectu Estis – the llama, had gone terribly wrong!

* Note:

  • Tenebris:Latin word for Dark
  • Terra:Latin word for Earth or land
  • Fos:Greek word for Light
  • Intellectu Estis: Latin word for Dull
  • Svet:Russian word for light, bright
  • Lux: Latin word for light, International System unit of illumination

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